by Dr. Paul Chappell

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you."

Philippians 4:8-9

You will gain more respect from your child by living a consistent, godly example, than by mandating hollow rules.

A young boy once wanted nothing more out of life than to become a sailor on the high seas. Every day he would visit the port, watch the men unload the ships, and dream about becoming a deck hand on board a mighty sailing vessel. He borrowed, bought, and leased all kinds of sailing books-anything he could get his hands on. His mother noticed his growing interest in sailing and struggled with whether or not she would allow him to become a sailor. Sailing was a difficult life filled with disease, rough men, pirates, and other dangers. Few sailors came home unscathed. But one day, when he was older, the young man's mother took him to the docks, intending to allow him to join a ship's crew and leave for sea. Excited, the boy had packed his clothing and told his friends goodbye. But as they approached the docks, the mother re-thought her decision and decided to recant her approval. Devastated, the boy was visibly upset. He was hurt by his fallen hopes, but knew that his mother knew best. Rather than running away to sea as many young men had done, he obeyed his mother's wishes and became content with working on the family farm. Thankfully, this young man put aside the thought of a life at sea and concentrated on farm work and surveying. Because this young man obeyed his mother, he grew up to become the most powerful commander of the American Navy-President George Washington.

George had learned at an early age to respect and obey his mother's wishes. The authority she had set in their home had taught George that even when he didn't understand her reasoning, he would trust her guidance. Another way his mother commanded his respect was by being a godly example to him.

Parents, our children need to not only hear our rules, but also see us living out what we teach them. As author Austin Sorenson once said, "A child is not likely to find a father in God unless he finds something of God in his father." We are the example for how our children will live their lives.

Think about this fact: a study done by sociologists from the University of Maryland show that parents spend just as much, if not more, time with their children today than in past decades. "Time diaries indicate that married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965. Married mothers spent 12.9 hours, a 21 percent increase. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase." What this means is that your child is spending time observing you, watching your actions, reactions, words, and patterns. Those observations don't simply affect their actions, it forms who they are.

It is vital that we, as parents, examine our own lives and actions each day. Ask yourself the following questions about how you interacted with your family today:
-How did I react to my spouse?
-How did I react to my children?
-Was I harsh or belittling?
-Did I encourage and show love to my children?
-Do I need to apologize to my spouse/children for any mistakes I made?
-Did I reinforce a rule that was broken?

What kind of example are you setting for your children? God doesn't expect you to be perfect, but when you make a mistake (especially with your children), treat it like any other mistake-apologize to them for it, make the situation right, and restore your relationship. You will gain more respect from your child for living a consistent, godly example, than by mandating hollow rules.

Take a few minutes to examine your role as a parent. How are you doing in your example to your children? If you need to make a change, ask God to help you. If you need to treat your children with more love (or more authority), seek God's help. Daily ask God for guidance and wisdom as you raise your children.

To learn more about the ministries of Lancaster Baptist Church and Pastor Chappell, please visit lancasterbaptist.org, paulchappell.com, or follow him on twitter.

Daily Bible Reading
Job 38-40 | Acts 16:1-21